5 Ways to remain positive , even when under attack

This philosophy of remaining positive, even under attack, applies to all parts of life, not just in responding to comments. I’ve used it in my everyday dealings with people. It takes two to argue, and even if the person refuses to rise to your level, that’s his problem, not yours.

How can you develop equanimity? Here, as always, are my suggestions:

1. Learn to meditate, even just a little. This is such a deep topic that I won’t get into it here, but basically even the simplest meditation can bring you a peace of mind and the perspective needed for equanimity.
2. Learn to detach yourself and be an observer. Try this exercise: imagine yourself leaving your body, floating above it, and going higher until you are looking down on yourself and the world and people around you. You are an observer, not involved in the situation. As an observer, you don’t get angry or emotionally involved … you simply observe without judgment. This exercise can help you remove yourself from the heat of things and see with a greater perspective.
3. Take deep breaths. If you find yourself getting angry or emotional over an issue, take a deep breath, and step back. Often it’s best not to respond when you’re in an emotional state — you might regret it later. I often will leave an email without responding to it, and come back to it later, if it provokes an emotional response. The same thing when getting into an argument with someone in real life — tell them you need a minute, get some fresh air, and step back from the situation. You’ll often find that you come back to it with a completely different approach.  
4. Be Teflon. Let things roll off you. Understand that there will always be people who are angry or rude or who are having a bad day. Their problems do not have to be yours. If they are mean, you don’t need to be mean also. Let their anger and comments and meanness roll off you like water on a duck’s back. Only by letting them engage you will you allow that anger to take seed in your body and grow. If you can let it roll off you, and ignore it, and smile, things will often get better.
5. Seek understanding. If someone says something mean to you, instead of taking it as a personal insult, understand that you are not the center of this person’s world — often they are coming off a very bad morning, or are having marital problems, or perhaps they don’t understand the issue very well. There’s always a reason  for anger and rudeness — and if you can understand it, it’s easier to deal with.